Let Go

I had an Easter Epiphany. 

I was sitting there at church when I realized how much I need to be on a worship team. That's what was missing. But here's the catch, because there always has to be one. 

While I love being part of the team, I feel like I am always being pushed to lead. I don't like leading. I don't believe that I have leadership qualities; assertiveness is not one of my strengths, and I would not even venture to call myself organized. While I'm not a follower, per se, I really prefer to be the backbone of a group, the dependable one. On the occasions that I have dabbled in leading worship, people always tell me how talented I am and how much I am meant for it. Maybe this is what people see, but it is not how I feel. I get anxious and stage frighty and I never get stage fright.

But despite all this, something keeps bringing me back. People I admire keep pushing me and challenging me to become a leader despite my youth, despite the small numbers of female worship leaders, despite my fears and despite my inexperience. And I've realized that maybe this is one of those things that you always hear about... where God wants you to do something that you don't want to do. One of those times when you're supposed to let go and let God. It sounds cheesy, but I really think that's what's happening in my life right now. And I'm ready for it. I'm ready to take this on. 

This will be the summer. This will be the summer I stop doing what I want, and start taking my place on God's stage, no matter how scary it is. PRAY FOR ME.